


i still hesitate in hopes that i’ll save some face

by Princex_N



Series: i felt all the aches my heart could take. [2]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Acceptance, Autism, Autistic Frisk, Gen, Info-Dumping, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Frisk, Nonverbal Frisk, POV Second Person, Self-Acceptance, Sensory Overload, Sign Language, Snippets, Stimming, good vibes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-24
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-03 03:21:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 10,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5274647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Princex_N/pseuds/Princex_N
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a collection of short snippets about Frisk's life in the Underground, their journey of self-acceptance, and the opportunities to meet people who accept them and who are like them in more ways than Frisk knows.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Toriel

**Author's Note:**

> Also just to avoid confusion, "loud" is a descriptive word that I've always used for smells because I was kind of bad at describing things. It doesn't mean like, audio-type loud, it's more along the lines of overwhelming. The "proper" word is strong? I think, but like I said, I've always used Loud so I just did the same here. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Her house is warm and it smells. 

It's not a bad smell, it smells like butterscotch and cinnamon, you don't  _dislike_ it, but it's a really strong smell, and it's hurting your nose and you can already feel it giving you a headache.

You want to cover your nose, but your mom always hated it when you did something like that. Covering your ears or eyes or nose. She said it was rude, and Toriel is really nice and you really like her, so you really don't want her to think that you're rude. 

Still, the smell in here is  _loud_. 

You have your arms crossed to keep them from flapping, because your mom said that was a bad thing. And your classmates at school used to tease you about it, and so that's how you know that your mom _might_ have been right about it. So you keep your hands still and very far away from your face, and you try to keep it together and hope that you'll be able to figure out a way to discreetly shield yourself from the smells later. 

But,  _ugh,_ you can feel it getting under your skin and making the muscles between your shoulders tense and achy, and you're also pretty sure that Toriel is starting to notice that something is amiss. 

"Are you alright, my child?" she asks you. You  _really_ like the sound of her voice. It's high pitched and sing-song-y soft, very nice on your ears. 

You bite your lip, and carefully shake your head, signing _[No]_ at her hurriedly. _[I'm OK]_.

She looks skeptical, which makes you wonder what kind of facial expression you're wearing. Most of the time, expressions don't always make it to your face right, but you've gotten good at hiding them on the rare occasions where they manage it. Still, sometimes they slip through anyway, most of the time it happens when you're on your way to a sensory overload. 

"You can tell me if you have a problem." She assures you gently, "I will do my best to help you." 

You hesitate, tapping your toes on the floor a little as you consider telling her what the problem is. _[Smells loud],_ you admit finally, glancing away and preparing to be yelled at. 

But she doesn't yell at you. Or even get mad at you. Instead, she starts to laugh. 

"Oh goodness, I apologize dear, I might have gotten a little overexcited in my baking." She laughs again, like she's embarrassed. "I can simply open a window, and the smell should fade in a few moments." She starts to walk towards her kitchen, and then stops, looking back at you worriedly, "It doesn't smell  _bad_ , does it?" 

 _[No! _Smells good._ ]_ You rush to assure her, then scrunch your face up slightly.  _[Just loud]_

She laughs, and this time you think it's relief, and you smile up at her because you like the sound of her laugh as well. 

You lift one of your sweater sleeves to your face as she walks off and breathe in the comforting smell of your lavender laundry detergent and think that this place might not be as bad as you thought it would be. 


	2. Papyrus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Autistic Papyrus = Best Papyrus
> 
> (although tbqh i headcanon p much every undertale character as autistic, and this fic reflects that)

Sans' brother is incredibly loud.

Papyrus. You like him a lot even though he keeps talking about capturing you, but you do wish that he would talk quieter.

Every time he speaks you have to try and keep yourself from covering your ears. He talks loud enough that you would probably still be able to hear him just fine if you did, but you don't want him to think that you're being rude or ignoring him, so you keep your hands down and fluttering at your sides. Instead, you opt to tilt your head down into your shoulder to muffle the noise slightly whenever you are presented the opportunity.

Despite the noise, his puzzles are really fun even though they don't _quite_ work right all the time, and his enthusiasm feels like it's rubbing off on you. 

But maybe that's just because Papyrus really kind of reminds you of yourself.

He keeps doing a weird little dance with his feet, hoping around and kicking about when he gets excited. His inability to keep his voice down, his enthusiasm about his puzzles and the Royal Guard. His wish for friends... It's all painfully familiar, and you feel like you don't quite know what to do with it. You're used to interacting with allistic people. You don't think you've ever met another autistic person before. 

You think you're a little intimidated by the entire situation. 

But you're glad that he's having fun, and you definitely are too. You don't even think that he's trying to get you through the puzzles with the intent to capture you anymore. Heck, you don't even think that he remembers that that's what he's supposed to be doing. 

You find that you don't really mind when he finally remembers. He almost called you his friend, you can't remember the last time something like that happened. 

Your date didn't work out (and you're not upset about that), but as Papyrus sits down and chatters excitedly about his friend Undyne, his dream of being a part of the Royal Guard, and a lengthy monologue about the concept and solving of puzzles, while you sway back and forth in your seat, content to listen, you're really happy to have met him. 

And judging by the way that Papyrus is kicking his feet as he talks and how Sans keeps looking in on the two of you and grinning, they're happy to have met you too. 


	3. Grillby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damp Clothes = Worst Nightmare

Falling ass backwards into a pile of snow wasn't exactly something that you were planning on doing today. 

Granted, the dog responsible for knocking you down had been clearly upset and apologetic about the accident. His excitement and elongated neck had disappeared moments after you fell and he'd hurried to help you up before running off, tail between his legs. 

You were a little sad to see him go. You weren't mad at him or anything, it had been an accident. 

Still, now you're standing around in damp clothes that are starting to cling to your skin and brush against you in ways that are extremely uncomfortable, and you're starting to feel that telltale pressure in your chest and tension between your shoulders that signals a Bad Time. It probably doesn't help that the clothes are starting to freeze a bit. And that you have no idea what to do. 

Sans and Papyrus, neither of them are home, as far as you know, and their house is kind of far away, but you need to go inside and dry off  _now_. You don't know anyone else here, where can you go if not their house? 

Grillby's!

The restaurant had been warm and not overly loud when Sans took you there earlier. Maybe it's not the quiet and reserved place that would be best, but it could probably work. It's definitely better than nothing. 

It's relatively quiet now. Most of the other patrons are gone, and the only noise comes from a couple of soft conversations being held at one of the tables. You pull yourself up onto one of the stools at the bar, so that there's nothing you have to worry about shielding your backside from drying off. 

You sit as quietly as you can, rocking back and forth in sharp agitated movements as you watch the shadows and light dance on the back wall due to the flames that make up Grillby while you try and calm yourself down, try to hold your shaking pieces together. You're not sure how long you're sitting there when you notice the flame coated monster waving at you to get your attention. 

 _[Are you alright?"]_ he signs, and you're a little surprised. Everyone here seems to know sign language, but he's the first one you've seen actually use it. You wonder if the others in town learned for him.

Still, you don't want to bother him while he's working, so you quickly sign _[Fine]_ back and try to wipe all signs of discomfort off your face and out of your body language. Your hands are shaking a bit. 

 _[You sure?]_ he asks, and something about the way he moves his hands implies that he's very skeptical. 

You grimace. _[Wet]_ you sign, eventually, and then you get lost in the movement. _[wet wet wet wet]_. You make a vague motion towards your back, and something about the admission makes the impending meltdown much worse. It's cold and you're wet, coming inside both helped and hurt you, now that the air is warm and dry, it's just put more emphasis on how you are very much not warm _or_ dry. You're definitely fighting the temptation to shed all of your clothes and start crying right there in the middle of this restaurant. 

 _[There's a room in the back.]_ he tells you, _[if you want to dry off and calm down?]_

You nod hurriedly, flapping your hands in distress as you hop off the stool and follow Grillby back behind the counter and to the back. He's left a small placard on the bar that declares him "on break". 

He offers you a shirt that's definitely too big for you, and turns his back while you change into it. Then he hangs your damp sweater and shorts in front of a small fireplace while you curl in on yourself in a chair he offered you. Some parts of you feel guilty and embarrassed over this, and somewhere in the back of your mind, you can hear your mom's voice scolding you for acting like a child, but mostly you just feel relieved. 

He sits with you until you've calmed down enough to uncurl yourself slightly (getting out of your wet clothes helped immensely), and then he starts to tell you a story about his daughter, fishing out a photo of a young flame woman from his jacket pocket and handing it to you to look at while you listen to the sounds of the fires in the room roaring softly. This room is much quieter than the main floor, and the sounds of the fires are soothing, as are the steady hand movements Grillby makes while telling you his story. He seems very proud of her. It makes you smile a bit. 

You stay there with Grillby for a while, until you feel less frayed and less like you're going to shake apart and break and more like the whole person that you are. Grillby gets your clothes down for you and then goes back to the front while you change. Your clothes are dry and warm, and they smell faintly like smoke. You breathe in the smell and feel the last of your shakiness evaporate. You glance at the fire in the fireplace, and decide to sign _[Thank you]_ at it, just in case. You're not sure what the difference is between sentient flame and non-sentient flame is, but it never hurts to be polite. 

You wave goodbye to the fire in the fireplace and you like to imagine that the small jump that the flame gives is it waving back at you as you walk back to the front of the restaurant.

It sounds quieter, as if more people have left, but you aren't quite tall enough to see over the bar, so you can't tell. You feel a bit bad, Grillby losing business while he was in the back with you definitely wasn't what you wanted when you decided to come here. 

You tap Grillby hesitantly on the elbow, repeatedly signing _[Thank You]_ and _[Sorry]_ at him when he glances down at you.

He raises his hand to stop you, and you get the distinct feeling that he's smiling. _[Don't worry]_ he tells you _[I'm happy to help. A friend of Sans is a friend of mine]._ You smile at him and sign your thanks once more. _[Feel free to stop by again if you need help. I had fun talking with you]_

You're not really sure how that's true since you weren't really doing much in the communications department, it was mostly just Grillby signing at you, but you don't call him out on it. You decide that if you do stop by, then you'll try to be a better conversation partner. _[I will]_ you inform him, and you get the smiling feeling again. 

 _[Try not to fall into any more snow piles]_ he signs, and you scrunch up your face, poking your tongue out teasingly. Grillby makes a noise that is most definitely a laugh, and waves goodbye to you as you walk out. 

You're beginning to like this place and its people more and more. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> inspiration for grillby's daughter came from [this post](http://simonsoys.tumblr.com/post/133434669519/kid-jokes-p).


	4. Echo Flowers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> waterfall absolutely sounds like the best place to just hang out, it seems so lovely there.

You know that you should probably keep moving, but Waterfall is such an easy place for you to get distracted in that you really can't help it. 

Its dim lighting, cool air, and dry stones are pleasant, and the sounds of rushing water fill your ears and make you feel much more together as a person. You can't quite stop yourself from stopping in order to sit down against one of the walls and shut your eyes and just _listen_. 

Right now you're sitting with a flower. 

It's a nice blue color, it's really tall, almost as tall as you are (although that doesn't really say much), and the best part is that it whispers. 

It's the same noise over and over again, a small snippet of a song, only a few seconds long. You don't know who sang it, but you do know that it's gorgeous. Soft and lilting. It fits the atmosphere of this place perfectly.

You hope that you'll be able to meet the singer soon, and that you'll be able to hear the entirety of the song from them. But right now, these few notes are perfect. 

There's a slight pause between each loop, but you don't mind. You kind of want to hum along, but you're too worried that it'll overwrite the song that's playing. You like those notes, you don't want to lose them just yet. 

As it is, you're not sure how long you've been sitting here, wiggling your fingers, swaying from side to side, brushing your sweater sleeve over your lips, and listening to this song clip. You know that you should get up. But you don't feel like it just yet. So you're going to keep stimming here for a while longer. 

When you _do_ finally get up, you stand up, brush yourself off, and sign _[Thank You]_ at the flower, because you had a good time sitting here. It loops the song at you once more, you grin and head off on your way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's quick, it's easy, and it's free: Being Polite.   
> Also for those curious, the singer that the flower heard was Shyren, who should be making an appearance in this fic in a few chapters.


	5. sans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> boy, space sure is great

You run into Sans again, and this time he has a telescope. 

You point at it inquiringly, and he seems pleased that you've asked. He offers you a chance to look through it for free, and you accept. 

You spend the next several minutes attempting to scrub red paint off of your face while Sans laughs hysterically beside you. 

"They aren't real." he says suddenly, gesturing towards the ceiling when you tilt your head questioningly. "We're underground, so these stars aren't real. They're a cute replacement, but I've only seen the real things in books."

 _[You like stars?]_ you ask, and he nods enthusiastically. He seems to catch himself, and he stops, looking vaguely embarrassed as he shrugs. 

"They're okay." he says, unconvincingly. "I haven't really spent a lot of time on it recently. Kind of a weird hobby when you can't see the real things." 

You sit on the floor next to him, tilting back slightly to look up at the glowing gems on the ceiling. You pat the space next to you. 

 _[Tell me about them]_ you sign _[The real things.]_

He sits, perhaps a little hesitatingly, and is quiet for a moment. Long enough for you to start lifting your hands in order to tell him to hurry up, when he finally starts to speak. 

It turns out that he has a lot to say on the subject. 

He starts off by telling you about the things that stars are made up of. Hydrogen, Helium, Carbon, all of those things. Once he's expended that topic, he moves on to explain constellations. He tells you their names, describes their patters, where they are, and the stories behind them. Then he moves on to explain nebulae, how they form, the different types. He tells you about the pillars of creation, black holes, exploding stars, how stars are formed, and how they die. 

You hadn't even known that there was this much information about stars that existed, but Sans has memorized all of it. 

You don't really understand half the things that he's talking about. Mostly you're just watching him. He looks happy, he's got an easy grin on his face, and he moves his arms around animatedly as he speaks, he keeps sliding his feet in and out of his slippers, going faster as he gets more excited about what he's talking about. He seems like he's enjoying having somebody to talk at about all of these things. 

As he finishes up his explanation of Planetary Nebulae, he lets out a contented sigh. The grin on his face doesn't waver. 

"Sorry kid, didn't mean to talk so long." 

 _[No!]_ you rush to assure him _[It was good. You know a lot. It was cool!]._ Sans' face glows faintly blue, before he can say anything, you finish with _[You're a real **star**!]_ and wiggle your eyebrows. 

Sans just stares at you, and you begin to worry that the joke was bad when he bursts into loud guffaws of laughter, tilting his head back from the force of it all while you let out a handful of relieved giggles. 

"Ahhh, that was a good one kid." he says, sounding a little breathless. "Seriously though, thanks. I haven't had the chance to talk like that for a while." 

 _[No problem. It was good to listen.]_ you tell him, flashing him a thumbs up, and getting another grin in return. 

"Anyway, I've got to be on my way. My break is way up. It's best I gave you a little  _space_." You give him a pair of finger guns and he laughs again. "I'll see you around kid." and then he disappears before you can say anything else. 

You look up at the ceiling once more and smile, and go on your way feeling smarter than you had earlier. 

And maybe a bit guiltier as well. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i spared you the infodump, but god i fucking love space. it's the coolest shit, oh my god  
> also oh my god, i'm getting so many positive comments on this that i'm running out of things to say in response, thank you guys so much omg


	6. Shyren

You can _not_ stop flapping your hands. 

You were walking through Waterfall when you saw a monster sitting in the corner, and as you got a bit closer you recognized the song that she was singing. It was the song that you had heard earlier from the flower!

The hand flapping caught her attention, she won't quite look at you, but she does get excited when you flap your hands, and after a few minutes, you realize that she's changing the tempo of her song to match the rhythm that your hands are making. This makes you even more excited, and you begin flapping faster. 

Out of the corners of your eyes, you can see that there are some people gathering to watch the two of you. You don't really mind it, but you think she's getting a little bit nervous, you can hear her voice shaking slightly. 

So you strengthen your resolve, and you make yourself flap a little bit slower, and then you start humming with her. 

You only really know the few notes that you heard from the flower, but it loops nicely and doesn't sound bad underneath the rest of the song. She starts to seem much more comfortable singing along. 

You keep going, and so does she, and you're having the time of your life. Focusing on the sounds of your songs echoing in the cave, on the feeling of your vocal chords vibrating in your throat and mouth, and the feeling of your hands flapping. It's a bit overstimulating, but the people watching you are being quiet and that's helping, and since you're having fun, you're willing to put up with it for a bit. 

That being said, the energy gets to be a bit  _too_  much. Your hand flapping goes wildly off rhythm, both you and the monster falter to a stop and the crowd begins to disperse as you and her just look at each other for a moment. 

 _[Sorry]_ you sign, face flushing in embarrassment. You hadn't meant to ruin it all. 

"It's OK," she whispers, "I had fun." She finally turns her face to you fully, and smiles. 

Then she lets out a gasp and hurries to hide her mouth behind her hands. She looks like she could be blushing. She looks embarrassed. 

You shake your head, _[You're pretty]_ you inform her, she covers her face more but you can see the corners of her cheeks lifting higher in another smile. You smile back at her. 

The two of you depart with waves, and you're skipping a bit as you walk away, pleased to have been able to hear the rest of the song. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I read on the wiki that Shyren is "ashamed of her scary face and poor singing" so I sent Frisk in to cheer her up because she is adorable.


	7. Napstablook

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My computer kept trying to correct Napstablook to tablespoon, and i'm not quite sure why I find that so adorable. (It's probably for the same reason why i can't explain why I find the word "tablespoon" so adorable.)

Seeing Napstablook again is starting to make you a little sad. 

Not because you don't like them! You think that they're quite nice, but they seem so sad that it's kind of making you sad by proxy. You want to be able to cheer them up, but you're really not sure how. It doesn't really help that you're getting kind of tired, but you're not really sure if or where you're going to have the opportunity to sleep. 

You are at Napstablook's house, but it seems like it would be a rude thing to just lay down on their floor and fall asleep. 

Although... Is it still a rude thing if they're  _offering_ to let you lay on the floor with them? You're not particularly invested in the idea of feeling like  _garbage_ but you're willing to pretend if it'll help them. It is a family tradition of theirs after all, and it doesn't seem like they have a lot of family around. And you don't mind, it's relaxing, and it's nice to finally get to lie down and feel what it's like to have a weighted blanket, your mom would never let you buy one back on the surface (you're not quite sure where Napstablook would have gotten one, but you've learned that it's best to just not question things too much down here.) 

The problem is that you're starting to fall asleep. 

You're pretty sure that you're meant to be staying awake (and feeling like garbage), but you're having a really difficult time trying to get that done. 

The weight of the blanket is incredibly nice, and the muffled sound of music coming from Napstablook's headphones, it's created a comfortable atmosphere and you're having a really difficult time trying to stay awake. You haven't slept since the nap you took at Toriel's house, and that was a while ago. 

But Napstablook isn't saying anything, and they're not moving, and it doesn't seem like they're about to do either of those things any time soon, so it really  _couldn't_ hurt if you decided to close your eyes for a bit, could it? After all, you've always been kind of a light sleeper, and you're bound to wake up if they get up or say something to you. So it really  _can't_ be that bad of an idea, right?

Right. 

-

You wake up an indeterminate amount of time later and promptly jerk up. 

The weighted blanket is a bit heavy for you though, and you're not quite used to pushing the weight off of you and so you kind of just end up flailing a little wildly until you manage to get a hold of your surroundings. 

You wake up more fully and get up more carefully, and Napstablook gets up with you. 

"Well, that was nice..." they murmur, "I haven't gotten to lay down that long with someone else in a while. Thank you..."

You decide to give them a hand and put their blanket back into the corner it was in originally. When you finish with that, you turn back you sign _[It was nice.]_ You haven't slept that well in a long time, and Napstablook is very nice company. _[Could I maybe come back again sometime?]_

Napstablook looks flustered, "Oh... Um... You can, if you want, but you don't have to... if you don't want to... I don't want to pressure you into coming again if you don't really want to..." 

They seem like they could keep going on in this fashion for a while. You decide to interrupt them before they can spiral too far, _[Thank you. I'll try to stop by again. I'm glad I got to see you again. I hope I get to see you soon!]_

Napstablook's entire upper half flushes a dark pink, "Ohh.... Ohhhhh....... No one's ever......" they flush darker and then quickly fade out of sight. 

You're a little concerned, and hope that you didn't upset them, but figure that maybe you should go ahead and leave. You think maybe you might have overwhelmed them a bit. 

So instead of sticking around, you sign _[Goodbye]_ at the empty room because you're not quite sure if they've simply gone invisible or if they've left completely, and you'd rather play it safe, and then you let yourself out.

You can still hear the faint sound of music coming from Napstablook's house, and it fills you with Determination. 

You're starting to get the feeling that you're going to need it soon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter, also known as: frisk takes a nap  
> and yeah the ghost has a weighted blanket. they use headphones so i figured that it couldn't be that unrealistic, and i like the [headcanon](http://sadcatclub.tumblr.com/post/133529711265/sadcatclub-ok-so-i-dont-think-sans-papyrus) that Napstablook and other ghost characters are made of ectoplasm and have the consistency of shampoo.  
> Updates may possibly come slightly slower than they have been due to school about to start again, but I do plan on continuing updating. Also fans of Undyne: if things go as planned, she should be showing up in a few chapters!!!


	8. Undyne

This battle is absolutely going to  _destroy_ you.

Undyne is seriously tough, she's incredible and you absolutely can see why Monster Kid was so infatuated with her, you just wish that all of that power wasn't being aimed directly at you. 

Especially because you're really bad at this. 

Your hand-eye coordination isn't the best on a good day, and neither are your motor skills, and they both get worse the more stressed out you get. And Boy are you stressed out. 

That being said, you're trying your best, and you're doing  _okay_ in the sense that you haven't been  _impaled_  with a spear yet, but you think you might be on your way. You're prolonging this fate for as long as possible by absolutely  _hauling ass_ every chance you get, but you can only run away for so long. This isn't a long term solution, and you know it, but the problem is that you're having a really tough time trying to think straight with all of the chaos going on around you. It doesn't help that your arms are currently occupied by this shield, make no mistake, you're glad that Undyne gave it to you (although you're not quite sure  _why?_ If she's trying to kill you and all), it just means that you can't flap your hands or do any of your usual stims and that's bad news because you really need to. _  
_

The stress and anxiety and chaos of the fight, the noise of the spears colliding with the shield and the jerking motion that accompanies every hit, the sound of Undyne speaking, the perspiration that's trickling down your face and back, it's all starting to  _get_ to you. You need everything to stop so that you can take a break and have a good cry. 

But you're not going to get that. You keep hoping that maybe  _this_ time will be the time that you really get away and have time to hide away somewhere, even if it's only for a few minutes, but Undyne is  _good_. You don't stand a chance. 

So you'll assert that it's really  _not_ your fault when you decide that that's it, you've hit your limit, you are Officially™ overloaded, and you promptly drop the shield, drop to the floor, and burst into tears. 

You're absolutely expecting Undyne to throw another spear, because she totally has the upper hand here, and you don't  _want_  it to happen, but at this point you're kind of resigned to this fate. 

So you're really  _not_ expecting her to go dead silent and lower her spear. She just kind of stands there in your peripheral vision, watching as you tuck your knees and arms and head inside your sweater and start to rock back and forth slightly while you cry and wait for her to kill you. 

But she doesn't. 

"Aw kid..." she says finally, "I can't defeat you in battle if you're having a  _meltdown_." 

She sounds utterly put out by this fact, and you can hear her flipping her spear in sharp agitated movements from a few feet away. You hear her let out an extremely put upon sigh, and a weird buzzing noise that you think might be her putting the spear away, and then she comes to sit next to you. You hesitantly poke your head out of your sweater.

"You alright kid?" She asks you, she looks very irritated as she asks, like she can't even believe herself that she's trying to be nice to you. You shrug a bit. "Yeah, they can be rough." 

There's a few minutes of silence between the two of you where you try to regulate your breathing and stop crying and fail on both accounts while Undyne looks increasingly more pained with every passing second. 

"Is there somewhere that you want to go to calm down, or are you okay staying here?" She asks, and before you can come up with a response, she goes on, "Is there something I can do to help? Am I making you nervous, should I leave? Is there someone else that you'd want here, because I know you've been making friends with the rest of the guard."

It takes you a moment to sort through everything that she's said, and then you shake your head. You point to where she's tapping her fingers against the metal of her helmet, and yeah, maybe you're pushing your luck, but you don't care. 

"What? Do you want it or something?" She asks, looking confused. She even holds it out to you to take, but you shake your head. 

_[Want to listen]_

And to your surprise, she complies. She sits with you and taps her helmet until you stop crying and calm down, and then she even helps you to stand up. And you're a little worried that she's just going to resume the battle where you left off, but instead she just kind of stares at you for a moment before sighing dramatically and saying, "Look, don't tell anyone about this. I have a reputation to uphold." 

You stifle a giggle, but nod seriously and thank her. She quickly waves you off and tells you not to mention it ("Really. Don't."), and the two of you split ways after she warns you that Asgore isn't going to be as easily swayed as she was, because he's tougher than even her. As you walk off, you can see her watching you leave, with a bizarre mix of irritation and something like fondness on her face. 

It kind of makes you want to laugh, but you're also still just a  _bit_ nervous to be around her right now, just in case she changes her mind about letting you go, and so you hurry on your way. But you can see why Papyrus likes her so much, and you can't help but hope that you get to hang out with her again. Just maybe in a significantly less dangerous situation. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Undyne is protective of everyone, even people she doesn't think she should be.  
> Also I don't think that Undyne has a reputation that she particularly cares that much about, but I do think that she's trying to give the impression that she has an uphold-able reputation in order to make herself seem cooler.


	9. Mettaton

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> many apologies for the late update, school makes everything terrible and like 8 times harder than they were.

Right now you have a problem. 

OK, right now you have a _lot_ of problems. 

One of them is that there's an apparently murderous robot that seems to be trying very hard to kill you in weirdly roundabout ways. 

You would say that your biggest problem is that you cannot understand a word of what he's trying to say to you. 

Your audio processing leaves much to be desired on a good day. In regular face to face conversation, you're not that bad at understanding people when they talk to you. You read their lips and it works out okay even though sometimes you have to ask them to repeat themselves several times. 

But Mettaton doesn't have a mouth, or lips. He has speakers and he looks kind of like a calculator, and his voice is very electronic and that makes it even harder. You're able to understand  _some_ of what he's saying  _some_ of the time, but mostly you have no idea what you're doing, and you're having a terrible time trying to figure it out. 

You would say that the _worst_ of it would have been the puzzle. You were able to understand that it was indeed a puzzle, but then there were lights flashing and flames everywhere, that was a lot of bright lights and a lot of sudden noise and so you had no idea what the actual hell was going on. You made a few random guesses that you're pretty sure were definitely wrong choices, but you also got the impression that Mettaton was going to fight you regardless of what you did with the puzzle so you guess it didn't really matter. 

He's definitely talking a lot now. You don't know if it matters or not because you can't understand him. 

You are able to recognize that you're fighting him though, and you can read the screen that's tracking viewer ratings. 

You're not all that sure what you're supposed to be doing, though. It's easier to understand Mettaton now that he has an actual mouth, but you're still on uncertain ground when it comes to the purpose of this entire thing. You can't actually tell if he's really trying to hurt you or if this is some bizarre performance in order to get more viewers, and so you're not really sure how you're supposed to be reacting. Are you supposed to be serious? Or are you supposed to play along?

Is there really a difference at this point?

You're not actually sure. 

What you do know is that this music is totally kick-ass, you love it. So you allow yourself to enjoy it while you try and figure out what to do, bobbing your head in time with the beat of it. 

That's when you notice the steadily rising viewer counter out of the corner of your eye. You start bouncing on your toes, ratings go up. 

You can't believe this. 

Are you really going to  _stim_ (dance?) your way out of this battle?

The answer is yes, you are, and you're totally enjoying yourself. There's a big, goofy smile on your face, you know it, and you don't think you've had this much fun in a while. You're a small flurry of movement now, head bobbing, bouncing on your toes, and flapping your hands in a motion that strongly resembles jazz hands, and apparently the viewers love it. 

Mettaton seems to love it too. He's his own mess of movements, but he gets excited when he sees yours, and gets even happier when he finally notices the viewer statistics. You're pretty alarmed when he starts losing limbs, but he appears un-phased (which you guess makes sense. He was essentially a calculator on wheels not too long ago), his focus is reserved solely for the ratings. 

"This is the most viewers I've ever had!!" he cries excitedly, you get the feeling that he would be waving his arms around, if he still had them. But he doesn't so he just kind of sits there. You clap for him. He inclines his head in what you think might be a bow. "Darling, your moves were absolutely  _stunning_!! You're almost good enough to compete with  _me_ in the show business!!" 

You give him a small bow and sign thank you, he beams at you and then suddenly looks disappointed at his lack of arms. You think that maybe he was going to clap for you. 

"Anyway, sweetheart, the truth is that I'm just about out of batteries, so I'm afraid that we're going to have to cut this episode short." He lets out a dramatic sigh, "But hopefully we'll meet again someday, on the stage. Knock 'em dead, darling, if anyone could pull this off, it's you!!" 

With this he appears to shut down, and Alphys finds her way into the room not long after. She seems really upset, even though she's trying to hide it. You had gotten the impression that the two of them were friends, and so you're not sure why she's bothering to cover it up. Still, you move on ahead to give her a moment, because she's starting to rock back on her heels and her hands are wringing together so much that you're a little concerned that she's going to break her own fingers. 

You walk on, still buzzing with energy and walking on your toes because you can't quite make yourself drop back onto your heels yet. You didn't get a chance to say goodbye to Mettaton, but you agree with what he said. You hope that you get to see him again.

You're making so many friends here, you can't even believe it. This is the best time you've had in your entire life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love Mettaton so much. (I love Alphys too, she gets her own chapter eventually! Soon, hopefully!!!) ((hopefully also the next chapter doesn't take me so long, lmao))


	10. Cooking with Undyne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the Real chapter 10

You're trying to put off actually going to Asgore for as long as possible. 

You really don't actually  _want_ to go home. Everyone here is assuming that you do, and they're all pushing you forward to Asgore and the barrier, but you don't actually want to go there at all. You just don't know what else to do, so you're going along with it. 

So when Papyrus calls you and tells you that you should go to Undyne's house, you spring on the idea immediately. You liked Undyne, she was nice, so being able to go hang out with her and Papyrus sounds like a really fun idea. 

You don't actually think that she's as excited to see you as Papyrus thinks that she is, or maybe he's just intentionally ignoring it. 

When he takes a flying leap out the window you go ahead and decide that he was definitely well aware of it. 

You were kind of willing to go along with it, but you won't deny that it makes you a little nervous when she decides that becoming great friends with you is going to be the perfect revenge. You feel like she has a pretty backwards definition of "revenge", or maybe there's something particularly aggressive about her friendship. You can't tell. You also can't wipe the nervous grin off your face, but you're a little worried about what could happen if you start to laugh. 

She breaks her table in half. 

You stare at the two halves of it, a nervous giggle slips out. 

The alarm only grows when she hops on top of the counter and kicks everything off it. Instead of just... putting it away or something. 

"Afraid!?" She asks you, "We're going to be best friends!!!" 

You are pretty afraid. You're also pretty excited to see where she's going with this. You're down to try it out. 

You leap out of your chair and give her your most aggressive hop. You like the feeling that reverberates up your legs, and decide you like the hopping. Undyne appears to like it to. She points at you and lets out a particularly enthusiastic wordless shout before dragging you over to the counter. 

You don't quite understand why she keeps all of these supplies in her ceiling. You guess that maybe it's because it gives her an excuse to stomp around her kitchen. 

When you see how she cooks, you figure that it's still pretty pointless. Apparently she doesn't need an excuse to stomp around the kitchen. 

You can't imagine that punching the tomatoes is going to make the sauce taste good, but you figure you might as well try. She's been doing this for a while, and while you've made spaghetti before, you've never done it like this, so how can you even decide if it's going to taste good or not? 

You find that it's kind of hard to punch a tomato. It's round. It just sort of rolls. 

Undyne doesn't seem to mind. 

When she tells you to put the spaghetti noodles into the pot, you point inquiringly at the sink only inches away from her. She doesn't seem to understand what you're getting at. Maybe she puts the water in after the noodles? 

She hands you a spoon and tells you to stir. You look at the raw spaghetti noodles and give it a shot. They crunch against the sides of the pot as you push them around with the spoon. It's not getting you anywhere but the noise is cool and you're having fun so you keep going until Undyne gets overexcited and destroys the pot. 

You figure that it's okay, because it's only a few moments later that you get overexcited and accidentally light her entire fucking house on fire. 

You stare at the charred remains of the pot. And the burning interior of her house. 

Holy shit. 

This is a very serious and nerve wracking situation, you know that you definitely shouldn't be holding back a smile.

She's going to absolutely  _destroy_ you.  

She... doesn't actually seem that upset about the fact that you just wrecked her house. She seems more upset about you not liking her. 

You try to assure her that you had a lot of fun and that you really do like her! She's exciting and very high-energy and fun to be around. 

She's too busy trying to fight you to notice. 

Maybe this is just her way of expressing affection or something. You look down at your fist, and then reach out and bump her on the knee. You look back up at her face, eagerly waiting her reaction. 

She looks absolutely bewildered. 

But... you're pretty sure that she likes you. 

She helps you out the window and tells you to drop by again sometime. She gives you a letter to deliver, and you decide to hurry up and stop hesitating before she leaves. 

You headbutt her in the leg. Gently. 

You back up and smile at her, a real smile, not a weird involuntary nervous grin, and wait for her reaction. 

She looks positively  _ecstatic._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was exciting and fun to write tbh.  
> also shoutout to nervous laughers / smilers. And idk, i headbutt people to show affection (bc like, i don't like hugging), i figured that would be something that undyne (and toriel lol) would get a kick out of.


	11. Alphys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHIT, i'll admit i completely forgot i was still writing this,  
> fucking... whoops.  
> sorry about the late update!!!!

You thought that taking the letter to Alphys would have been a pretty simple task, possibly the easiest thing that you've done since coming down here, but you were not at all expecting this. 

Alphys is a very enthusiastic person when she wants to be. When she assumed that you were the one who had written the letter, she was completely focused in what she was saying she wasn't at all paying attention to your attempts to inform her that the letter was from Undyne. You don't actually know what the letter is about in the first place, since it wasn't your letter, and so you're not exactly sure where she's going when she says that she doesn't deserve to be forgiven (she talks over your attempt to tell her that you don't think she particularly needs to be forgiven especially because you're not exactly sure _what_ she has to be apologetic for.), and you definitely don't know where she's going when she tacks on "much less, um, this?"

You don't know what "this" is.

Especially when she starts talking about passion, you get a little nervous then. 

Turns out you just got asked on another date. 

What do you know? 

You're getting more game down here than you would have ever dreamed of getting anywhere. 

You decide to just go along with it because at this point, you think that if you try and correct Alphys, she'll only get embarrassed and you don't really want to upset her. So you tell her that her dress looks lovely and you don't say anything about Undyne. She's awkward with it at first, but once she starts talking about anime she gets going and doesn't stop. 

You have no idea _what_ she's talking about, even less so than you did when Sans was talking to you about the stars earlier, but you don't mind listening. You nod enthusiastically when it sounds like an appropriate place to do so and shrug her off when she frets about spoiling things for you. You're not really planning on watching the show (unless she wants you to, in which case, you don't mind) and so spoilers aren't something you're worried about. She seems to misinterpret this as you having seen it before, which you definitely haven't, but she doesn't really seem to want to ask you anything, so you just continue on with your pattern of nodding when she sounds happy and shaking your head in disappointment when she sounds upset. 

It's been working out pretty well for you, up until Undyne shows up.

If you had to pick a word to describe Undyne in that moment, it would be heartbroken. She seems very upset that you've stolen her date, and Alphys also seems very upset.

You wonder how they've gotten so far without realizing that they both like each other. 

They're both flustering around, trying to explain what's happened without really addressing what's happened, and that's something that you don't understand, but you can see Undyne repeatedly reaching for a spear only to stop herself and clench at her jacket in an attempt to keep her hands still and Alphys' tail is swishing back and forth as she starts to edge away from Undyne in an attempt to create enough distance to safely run away, and you decide that this is taking too long. 

You walk up to them, and they both pause in their stammering to look down at you in confusion when you tug on their clothes to get their attention, and then, without thinking too hard about it, you grab one of Alphys' hands and one of Undyne's hands, and then you press them together. Then you take a step back and nod in admiration at your own work. 

Both Undyne and Alphys turn into a flustered mess, Alphys in particular, in her haste to explain herself, and you sit back and watch everything happen and silently encourage the two of them to work through it and finally work everything out. 

Undyne slam dunking Alphys into a trash can really hadn't been on your list of possible outcomes, and you make a bizarre squawking noise in your surprise at the action.

You're considering stepping in, because you're not _great_ with people, but you're better than this, but it seems to be working out OK to just leave them and let them figure it out on their own? Possibly? As long as Alphys doesn't get hurt. But Undyne and Papyrus (?) seem to have good intentions, and Alphys seems to be going along with it, so you figure that you should too. 

You hurriedly have to stave off Undyne's sudden panic about the existence of anime, and you're technically not even lying. Anime is real. It's a real thing that exists on the surface and also apparently down here. 

You tell yourself that it doesn't matter. That the barrier isn't going to be broken and so you don't have to worry about Undyne figuring out that the actual stories told in anime aren't real things that happen on the surface, because you're not going to the surface. 

You try to ignore the way your heart hurts when you think about it. 

When did everything decide to become so complicated? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally Alphys makes an appearance!! I'll try to be better about finishing this, especially now that school's on break.   
> ๑•́ㅿ•̀๑) ᔆᵒʳʳᵞ


	12. Asgore

You're not really happy about this. But you know what you have to do. 

You can't tell exactly  _where_ your mind was made up, but you realized that you can't put this off anymore. You can't ignore the fact that this is something that you _have_ to do. 

Even if it means running into your mom again. 

That's why you're walking up to Asgore's castle. 

Your hands are shaking and you can't get into a decent hand flapping rhythm, so you eventually just give up. Walking the rest of the way eerily still in a way you haven't since you fell down here. 

You've had a lot of fun down here. Meeting nice people, a lot of whom were just like you, and being accepted and encouraged as yourself for the first time in your life.

It was good. You had a great time. 

Such a great time that you're willing to give it all up for the sakes of the people that you met down here. They deserve to be happy. You can make them happy the same way that they've made you happy. 

You want to be able to pay them back and this is the way you can do it. You can break the barrier and let them all free. Back to the surface instead of trapped down here.

Asgore is bigger than you expected, but softer at the same time. Undyne made him seem angry and tough, but he doesn't look that way at all. You want to think that someone who cares so much for flowers has to be a nice person, but you know from the way that Undyne talked about him that he's more than capable of killing you if he wants to. 

He doesn't really seem to want to though. Maybe it's more accurate to say that he's more than capable of killing you if he needs to. And considering the monsters' current situation, he _needs_ to. Or at least. he thinks he does. 

You can't decide if you really want to make it out of here alive. You think you want to. You want to be able to continue on living with the people that you've met, the friends that you've made, the family (?) that you've put together since coming down here. Asgore doesn't seem like a bad person, and you can't exactly make any decisions about him yet. After all, you've made a lot of your friends after fighting them. Something tells you that this situation won't be as easy, but that doesn't matter to you. 

You're determined that you can make it work. 

Even if it means meeting your mother again, you're determined to make it out of here alive. That way you can have more fun with your friends. You can have more fun being  _yourself._

Your fingers tap together rhythmically as you follow Asgore deeper into the castle. You  _can_ do this. 

"Are you ready?" Asgore asks you, he's stopped in front of a doorway, "If you're not I understand. I am not ready either." And then he walks inside. 

You take a breath, steel yourself, and follow. 

You  _can_ do this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's almost done guys!


	13. The Aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That last battle was too exhausting for me to write so I just skipped it, lol. I hope no one is disappointed!

You think that Toriel is able to sense your hesitance to actually return to the surface. 

You know that she doesn't know why because you haven't mentioned your mother once since you fell down here. But she can tell that the reluctance is there, she keeps telling you that you can all go to the surface once _you're_ ready. 

They're all waiting on you, and since you don't think you'll ever really  _be_ ready, you go ahead and walk left anyway.  

It can't be that bad. You're sure of it. It can't be as bad as you've been imagining, and the reason why is because now you have friends who will protect you. If, somehow, you manage to run into your mother again, your friends will protect you from her. You're sure of it. So this is something that you  _can_ do. Because you have your friends behind you. 

You're still a little overwhelmed by the actual surface, you had sort of forgotten all the things that were up here. Bright sun, loud wind and animals and bugs, but it's not that bad. It doesn't take you that long to adjust to it. The prospect of being an  _ambassador_ is just as overwhelming, if you're being honest. You're just a kid. You don't even know what ambassadors  _do_ , much less how to be an effective one. But you can't exactly say no to them. Who knows what they would do then, at least with this they have some kind of chance, even if you don't really know what you're doing just yet. You can figure it out. 

Your heart nearly stops when Toriel asks if you have somewhere to return to. You wonder, for a terrifying moment, if she's going to press you into telling her. But she doesn't. She just stands there and waits for you to answer her. You think about lying. 

But you don't.

_[I want to stay with you_ ]. You sign. 

She seems surprised, and you're scared that that means that she doesn't want you to stay with her. 

"Well I suppose, if you really do have no place else to go...  I will do my best to take care of you, for as long as you need." She smiles at you, "Alright?"

You promptly burst into tears. 

She looks shocked and a little upset, and she hurries to try and help you, but her hands hover uncertainly a few inches away from touching you. You're glad that she remembered that you don't always like to be touched, but right now, you throw yourself at her and cling to her because you can't believe how incredibly lucky you are. She happily returns your embrace, hugging you tightly and whispering at you to try and calm you down. You don't feel any particular need to calm down, you're so  _happy_ right now, you don't know what else to do  _but_ cry and hum a slightly discordant, but very enthusiastic, tune.  

It's going to be okay. _You're_ going to be okay. 

You jumped off a mountain because you wanted to die. Instead you found the best friends you could ever ask for, and a mom tens of thousands of times better than your other mom ever was. 

You're so incredibly lucky that you can't even contain yourself. 

Toriel doesn't seem to mind at all. She seems just as happy as you are. 

You're so excited, you can't  _wait_ to see what comes next. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the "final" chapter. But there's a bonus chapter after this. Keep an eye out! It's already written so I should be able to upload it really soon!


	14. Bonus: Flowey (Neutral Ending)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an angsty one. It doesn't really have anything to do with the plot of the fic, I just really liked the Flowey Boss fight and Flowey makes me sad so I wanted to write a fic about it, so if you're not a fan of angst, just skip this chapter, you're not missing anything important/relevant to the series.

It's loud. It's really really loud. There's a dull roaring noise that makes your ears feel like there's something physical pressing down on you. Or like there's something trying to force its way out of your ears. You try desperately to block it out, your hands are pressed so tightly over your ears that it feels like the cartilage might break, and it's not helping at all.

You're honestly really scared right now.

The fight with Asgore had been rough, you didn't like it, it felt too much like home. Getting hurt and not being able to do anything about it at all. It was bad, _really_ Not Good. You didn't know what to do, you didn't want to hurt him, you couldn't hurt him.

But then Flowey showed up, and so many things happened at once that you're _still_ trying to wrap your head around it. All you're really sure of is that he looks weirdly bigger than he did before.

When the area gets a bit more light, you realize why.

It's because he is, so. much. bigger. than he was before.

He laughs and it _hurts_.

The sound sends pain shooting through your ears and under your skin, straight down your spine, and your muscles and shoulders pull painfully as your hands dig into the sides of your head, and you can't keep yourself from screaming in response to all of it.

You can't hear your own scream, it's so buried under the noise of his laughter. Flowey doesn't even seem to notice it.

It gets worse from there, because of course it was going to.

There's things being thrown at you, and flame coming from _somewhere_ , the screen on top of the giant fucking monster head keeps flashing static and distorted images, even the _eyes_ are flashing too bright light at you, literally _everything_ is moving, you don't think that you've ever seen so many visually overwhelming things happening at once in your entire life.

Then there's the _noise_ . Nothing is loud like Flowey's laugh had been, but there's so much noise. The sound of the eyes before they fire things at you, the sound that's reminiscent of gunfire when the flames happen, a long series of high pitched beeping as there are lasers and vines being shot everywhere, weird alarms going off, loud _loud_ static that burrows under your skin.

You think it's entirely possible that the sensory overload alone is going to kill you.

You want to block it out, you want to be able to cover your eyes but then you can't see the attacks coming. You're tired of being hurt. There are still burns on your arms from Asgore, and you're just getting hit more and more. You feel like you can't breathe.

You can't take it anymore.

You don't _want_ to, but your eyes squeeze shut on their own and your knees buckle. You feel yourself get hit again and again, but you can't move. You bend over until your face is buried in your legs and you think you might be screaming, you can't really tell.

You're tired and you're hurting and everything is too much and you are officially out of control. You can't even think straight enough to care anymore. You want it to stop stop stop stop _stop_.

At some point you realize that it's gone quiet.

There's no noise at all, and for a confusing moment, you wonder if you died and didn't realize it.

But you still feel alive. You don't think that being dead would leave you feeling so wrung out and aching. You're tired as hell. You kind of want to find out what the hell is going on, but you can't make yourself lift your head. You stay in your curled up position and don't move at all.

You feel something press against the back of your head.

You move your head slightly in order to look up, and see Flowey pulling away from you, worry and anxiety on his face. He looks weirdly bruised, in as much as a flower can look bruised, and he's small again. What happened to the Souls? What the heck did you miss?

You start to sit up, Flowey reels back like he's afraid that you're going to hit him. He looks worried and scared, but he's trying to hide it under anger.

 _[Sorry]_ you sign, you hadn't meant to startle him.

"Why?" he asks, "Why are you being so nice to me?"

You try to come up with something to say. Your arms feel weirdly heavy. You don't think you have a reason, you just don't think that anyone really deserves to be treated badly.

"I can't understand." he cries, his face screws up like he's about to start crying, "I don't- I can't understand! I just can't understand..."

You can understand that feeling.

You try to reach out for him, and it looks like he finally breaks.

Flowey runs away, disappearing into the dirt, but not before you can hear him breathe in a ragged sob.

You sit there on the floor of the room, and take a shaky breath. You touch the back of your head, where Flowey had touched you. You pull in another breath...

and burst into tears.

You fall back onto your butt and pull your legs up to your chest, wrapping your arms around them and burying your face in your knees, and you cry. You're exhausted and you're sad and you're hurting and you don't know how to stop it. You don't know what to do. Asgore is dead, and everyone loved him. Are they going to blame you? And Flowey... you want to help him, but you don't know how.

You don't know what to do.

You don't get up for a long time...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have anything else written or planned for this particular fic, so i'm marking it as complete. That being said, there should be another fic in the series that I need to write, so that will be posted eventually. If I decide to write any more for this, then I'll post it here, I think I can still do that if the fic is marked "complete", so it should be fine.  
> Thank you all so much for all of your wonderful comments and all of the kudos that you guys left!! I had a lot of fun writing this fic and it makes me really happy that other people enjoyed it!! thank you!!

**Author's Note:**

> IDK, I felt like writing this bc I felt like it would be cute, but I couldn't come up with a plot to tie it in with that wouldn't just be like, the actual game, so I just decided to fuck it and just write whatever the hell I wanted.  
> [my tumblr](http://www.princex-n.tumblr.com)


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